Fearful Avoidant Attachment

Overcoming fearful avoidant attachment style is possible, and plenty of tips support the process. These tips are explained below in detail:

Educate yourself about your attachment style

The first step to recovering from a problem is to educate yourself about it. Find out what attachment style you feel you might have and what its signs are. Think about your behaviour in all your relationships with your family, friends, and others. Consider looking back into the past to explore the nature of your relationship with your caregiver when you were a child. All this information can help you understand your attachment style better, and you can easily overcome it with a better understanding.

Practice self-awareness

Try to become more aware of what triggers your fearful-avoidant style. Is it because of an automatic thought that your partner is rejecting you or being disloyal? Or does it happen when you pick up on a tiny change in your partner? Find out all your triggers and write them down somewhere for your remembrance.

Ponder each of the triggers you noticed and think about why they make you feel this way. Also, think about a healthier thought that can replace this negative thinking. For instance, if you notice a change in your partner’s body language, consider that they might be tired instead of thinking they are hiding something from you.

It is essential to be mindful of all your automatic thoughts so that you can challenge them as soon as they come to the surface. Achieving this can help you respond to situations in a much healthy way.

Improve your communication skills

Learn to communicate in a way that delivers your needs to your partner in a non-confrontational and healthy way. Try expressing your feelings instead of from a place of criticism and blaming. You can begin your statements with “I”, such as “ I feel stressed when you X.” These statements can make your partner feel less threatened and attacked and reduce misunderstandings.

Make it a habit of expressing your needs in a straightforward way while practising compassion and kindness. For example, practice saying, “I need to feel supported when I X”, instead of blaming your partner for not being supportive enough.

Set healthy boundaries

Many individuals with a fearful avoidant attachment style find it difficult to set boundaries. The origin of this problem goes back to their childhood when they might have had their boundaries broken, giving them a distorted view of boundary setting.

Invest some time considering your limits and what you are comfortable with. Sometimes, you may need help from a therapist or a trusted friend to establish boundaries, so do not hesitate to ask them for help.

Consider therapy 

If you feel difficult to manage your attachment style on your own and require extra support, consider enrolling in therapy. Using evidence-based therapeutic methods, you can learn about recognising your attachment style, assess your feelings about yourself, and learn how to approach relationships healthily.

Most people with fearful avoidant attachment styles benefit the most from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which aims to identify and challenge unwanted emotions, behaviours, and thoughts. This therapy can be beneficial for someone with insecure feelings and unhealthy behaviours stemming from their attachment style. Another type of therapy used for managing this attachment style is interpersonal therapy which allows patients to improve their social interactions and relationships. People who wish to change their attachment style and gain more security in their relations may benefit from it.